A lesson from the sudden death of a family friend
I remember the last time he came to our house. It was a normal day; I was working on my egg drop project when he came over. He was a very happy man. He smiled and joked around all the time. I remember this day as if it was yesterday.
It was not yesterday. It was two months ago. It was last semester. Had I known that it was the last time I was going to see him, maybe I would’ve paid more attention to him. Maybe I would’ve talked more to him. But nonetheless, I definitely was not expecting it when my dad came home and told me three simple words: “He is gone.”
He was a family friend, but I called him “kaka” which means uncle in my native language. He was one of my dad’s closest friends from work. Although I didn’t meet him a lot, my dad told me many stories about him and the few times I did meet him and talk to him, he was always fun to talk to.
He is gone, but I can’t wrap my head around it. How can I? I thought he would always be there. I never in the least thought that one day he would leave in an instant. But that’s exactly what happened. And now all I can think about is how I took him for granted. I never regarded him as impermanent.
As I look around now, there are so many instances where I see either myself taking things for granted or other people doing the same. We take everything for granted. We take our house for granted, we take our possessions for granted and most importantly, we take life for granted.
When my dad told me what had happened he was calm— there was absolutely no expression on his face. Looking back, I think I probably had the same expression. Then he collapsed into the sofa and put his hands to his face. I heard a faint sound emanating from him.
Then, for the first time ever in my life, I saw my dad cry. I just stood there, hypnotized and frozen, not really thinking about anything. I am never going to forget that moment though. As he cried tears of absolute anguish, he croaked out the words, “Why though? Why him? Why?”
I don’t know why. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, but I couldn’t make myself. How could I tell him something I didn’t believe in at all? He suddenly stopped crying, looked up and stared into my eyes and said,”Why do we do this to ourselves? Why didn’t I pay more attention to him?” Because you thought he would always be there, I wanted to tell him.
I am wasting my life. The more I think about it, the more I believe it. By taking things for granted, I take away their value and lead a selfish life. I don’t give people and things the importance that they deserve, and that is a mistake.
But I’m learning. Nobody could’ve predicted anything like this would happen. Nobody could’ve stopped it from happening either. However, I could’ve not taken him for granted. Maybe I would have regretted it less if I had just regarded his impermanence.
In the end everything will go away. So let’s start giving more importance to the things we love. Let’s start giving them the importance they deserve.
For now, I’ll cherish the memories I made with my kaka and start thinking about how I can improve myself. The first step is always the hardest to take, but I think his death forced me to take that step. It took the passing of a loved one for me to realize it, but I finally did.